| a long time ago in a land far away. |
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| 12:20pm 07/10/2007 |
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mood:  anxious
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i started this livejournal. and i haven't written in it in 2 years. but i want to document this part of my life. so here goes another new phase of my livejournal. |
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| 100 things! |
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| 09:25am 19/10/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative
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No, I haven't updated in a long time. Yes, I'm sorry. it's not like anybody reads this shit anyways!
100 THINGS
1: First grade teacher's name: Mrs. Murchake
2: Last word you said: You
3: Last song you sang: Panic! @ the Disco - But It's Better If You Do
4: Last person you hugged: Sarah
5: Last thing you laughed at?: SizzleBizzle
6: Last time you said I don't remember: Uh. I dunno.
7: Last time you cried?: Last Night.
::PRESENT::
9: What color socks are you wearing: skin colored ones.
10: What's under your bed: My entire room. It's a loft.
11: What time did you wake up today: 9:06
12: Current taste: ass. haven't brushed my teeth yet.
13: Current hair: Under my hoodie. Cause no one should see that shit.
15: Current annoyance: My Computer. Art History.
16: Current longing: To not be sad.
17: Current desktop background: Ilia Ovechkin's "Body Felt Strange Last Night"
18: Current worry: Falling asleep in Art History.
19: Current hate: being dirty.
20: Current favorite article of clothing: My torn up Levi's that are thisclose to being unwearable.
21: Favorite physical feature of the opposite sex: Hair.
22: Last CD that you listened to: Panic! @ The Disco
23: Favorite place to be: 9:30 Club
24: Least favorite place: Stuck in traffic eastbound on the bay bridge.
25: Time you wake up in the morning?: 7 am MWF, 9 am TuThu, Anytime i want on the weekends.
26: If you could play an instrument, what would it be: Piano.
27: Favorite color: Black, Green, Purple, Red
28: Do you believe in an afterlife: I believe in reincarnation, bitches.
29: How tall are you: 4 feet 10 inches.
30: Current favorite word/saying: "omg" and "i mean.."
31: Favorite book: Echo by Francesca Lia Block
32: Favorite season: Fall. all of it.
33: One person from your past you wish you could go back and talk to: My dad.
::FUTURE::
35: Where do you want to go for college?: Uh. Well, it sure as hell ain't Salisbury University.
36: What is your career going to be like: I'm gonna draw things for people all day long.
37: How many kids do you want: deux.
::HAVE YOU EVER...::
39: Said "I love you" and meant it: yes
40: Gotten in a fight with your dog/cat/bird/fish: Hell yes. I punched my cat in the throat a minute ago.
41: Been to New York: Tis a beautiful place.
42: Been to Florida: Yeah and I hated it. No offense Manda.
43: Been to California: Nope. I wish.
44: Been to Hawaii: I plan on moving there when i'm like 30. just to throw some variety into my life.
45: Been to Mexico: No but I have been to Taco Bell. does that count?
46: Been to China: Don't really plan on it.
48: Dreamed something really crazy and then it happened the next day? sorta.
52: Do you have a crush on someone: Always.
53: What book are you reading now? Re-reading the 5th and 6th HP books.
54: Worst feeling in the world: losing a parent and knowing you will NEVER see them again.
55: What is the first thing you think when you wake in the morning: ARGH!
56: How many rings before you answer: As soon as i can find the damn thing.
59: Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Yes. As Cory called it, "The Teddy Barrier"
64: Do you do drugs: I mean I take in A LOT of caffeine...
65: Do you drink: Alcohol, No. Coffee, Yes.
67: What kind of Shampoo and Conditioner do you use?: Garnier Fructis
68: What are you most scared of: Being uncontrollably sick and beyond care.
69: What clothes do you sleep in?: Jammie Pants. That is all.
70: Who is the last person that called you: the lady doctor to confirm my appointment.
71: Where do you want to get married: Outside under a big tree.
72: If you could change anything about yourself what would that be: I'd be more organized.
73. Who do you hate: The list is unbearably long trust me you don't want to hear it.
74: Been In Love: mmhmmm
75: Are you timely or always late: I hate being late
76: Do you have a job: Yeah I work at Starbucks. Yes it's way cool, No I can't get you free Coffee.
77: Do you like being around people?: I live to be around people.
78: Best feeling in the world?: Waking up next to him.
79: Are you for world peace: I mean, there's some chicks i wanna kill so once i get that done, yes.
80: Are you a health freak: I am when i want to be. But then i get busy and forget.
81: Do you have a "Type" of person you always go after: I think there's two i tend to go after. There's the shy boys who i want to corrupt, and the bad boys who i want to straighten out and love.
82: Do you want someone you don't have?: maybe.
83: Are you lonely right now: No.
84: Ever afraid you'll never get married: heh never.
85: Do you want to get married: I mean i already am.
86: Do you want kids? i want to bear a child or 2.
::IN THE LAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU...::
87: Cried: yes
88: Bought Something: yes
89: Gotten Sick: Yes
90: Sang: yes
91: Said I Love You: Yes
92: Wanted To Tell Someone You Liked them: no
93: Met Someone: No
94: Moved On: Not yet.
95: Talked To Someone: yes
96: Had A Serious Talk: yes
97: Missed Someone: yes
98: Hugged Someone: yes
99: Yelled at Someone: No.
100: Dreamed About Someone You Can't Be with: Yeah but I dont even want to be with them in the first place. |
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| friday, i'm in love. |
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| 09:29am 30/09/2005 |
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mood:  amused
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kristen + tristan + kimmy + danielle + jen + jill + jamie + sonar + jen's birthday = greatest night ever
you should be so jealous.
work 10-4.
then it's my escape to kent island for the weekend with my best friend and my sister.
i cannot wait until 4. i think i might die. |
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| 09:26am 30/09/2005 |
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mood:  awake
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X your confessions...
[ ] I am bisexual
[ ] I am homosexual
[ ] I collect comic books.
[X]I shut others out when I'm sad
[X] I open up to others easily
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world
[X] I watch the news
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs
[x] I own something from Hot Topic
[x]I like Disney movies
[x] I am a sucker for eyes
[x] I cuss regularly.
[x] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I have owned something from Abercrombie
[x] I have a job
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[X] I am in love/like with someone.
[ ] I am self conscious
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[x] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I have many scars
[X] I've been out of this country
[xxx] I am really ticklish.
[xxxxxxx]I love chocolate.
[X] I am comfortable with being me.
[x] I play computer games/video games when I'm bored
[x] Gotten lost in the city
[x] Saw a shooting star.
[ ] I had a serious Surgery.
[x] I have kissed a stranger.
[x] Hugged a stranger.
[x] Been in a fist fight with the same sex.
[ ] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had milk/soda come out of your nose.
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[x] Made out in an elevator.
[x] Swore at your parents.
[x] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[ ] Broken a bone.
[x] Played spin the bottle.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[x] Been fired.
[x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[x] Stole something from your job.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[x] Ridden over 400 miles in one day.
[ ] Been on a plane.
[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[x] Eaten Sushi.
[x] Met someone in person from the internet.
[ ] been to a motocross show.
[ ] Done hard drugs
[ ] Taken painkillers.
[x] Cheated on someone else
[ ] I own "toys"
[x] I watch porn
*pass this on with your own confessions |
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| i hope you're waiting. |
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| 09:01pm 28/09/2005 |
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mood:  tired
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5 Details about me: 5. i want to be an art teacher. 4. i am half french canadian. 3. i work at starbucks, and i have worked at 3 different starbucks in the past year and 7 months. 2. i took ballet for 10 years. 10 years! 1. chocolate is a way of life to me, not just a food.
5 details about my appearance right now: 5. my hair constantly looks like i just had a lot of good sex. 4. my makeup is kinda all over my face from napping. 3. i'm wearing tristan's old pajamas. 2. i have a mole on my hip that i call "the black hole" 1. my lip ring is sitting the wrong way and it's annoying me.
5 Memorable things I did in the past year: 5. attended the central pennsylvania festival of the arts 4. got a real star for christmas from tristan. like one in the sky. 3. moved out of my mom's house for the first time. 2. went to the bamboozle, which was the best 3 days of my life. 1. made lots of new friends like Julie, Paul, Susan, Chelley, Cara and Sarah
5 favorite movies: 5. Love Actually 4. The Village 3. The Royal Tenenbaums 2. Nightmare Before Christmas 1. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
5 things that make me happy: 5. Me, Tristan, Melissa, and Travis in one room. we dont even have to be doing anything. i just want that to happen all the time. 4. live music. 3. finishing artwork. 2. Sonar. 1. kissing.
5 things that impress me: 5. tattoos. good, meaningful ink. 4. all kinds of artwork. the kind you put your blood sweat and tears into. 3. people who travel a lot. the people who dont see money as a roadblock to where they wanna go. 2. my friends. 1. true love. not like high school relationships, but deep, i would die for you love.
5 Things that do not impress me: 5. frat groupie whores. ::Grr:: 4. ugg boots. ::shudders:: 3. George W. Bush 2. mtv. 1. the amount of famous people you have met/fucked.
5 people I am tagging to do this survey: 5. Danielle Robinette 4. Michael Price 3. Mikey Scarborough 2. Bryan Barnes 1. Amanda Fairman |
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| oh the woes of being studious. |
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| 12:44pm 27/09/2005 |
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mood:  drained
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this week sucks. a lot. i failed my art history test yesterday, so now i'm going to have to bust my ass to get a good grade in that class.
i am so broke that i am 60 bucks in debt.
but you know what, i'm happy. because today is my sister's birthday, and that means that friday night i get to go up to baltimore and go to sonar. and i get to see tristan for the first time in over a month. and i have saturday night off. and it's gonna be a good weekend.
on top of all of this, i've finally decided that yes, i do want to be an art teacher. i'm kind of deciding against going to Tyler for grad school, i think I want to apply to PennState. I wanted to go there when i was younger but my grades in high school werent so awesome so i never applied. and they have an awesome master of science in art education program that i would like to take part in. I really love that area and it's just such a beautiful place and a great school and thinking about living there makes me really really happy. cory grew up there and i got to go up there for christmas, easter, and the central pennsylvania arts festival and it was just amazing.
anyways. i have 3 hours until work. i'm debating on whether sleep is a good idea, considering it's so insanely nice out.
i think i'll go take some pictures for my first photo project.
i love you all. leave me comments. |
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| to i swear, i say. |
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| 01:11pm 26/09/2005 |
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mood:  blank
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First best friend: melissa laur First screen name: ameenals (yeah that shit rocked and i cant remember the password) Self-purchased album: mariah carey- fantasy First funeral: my dad, last year. First pets: tigger the fattest cat ever. First piercing/tattoo: well i got my ears pierced when i was 7 but i got my lip pierced 2 years ago.
Last
Last car ride: an hour ago when i came home from ceramics. Last good cry: lastnight =/ Last movie seen: the corpse bride. Last beverage drank: i stopped by work and got a tall soy 2 pump toffee nut mocha. Last time showered: last night. Last item bought: yarn and some new crochet hooks. Last annoyance: this morning when i woke up at 7 and paul hadnt even gone to sleep yet. Last time wanting to die: um. the week of july 23.
Specifics: Do you do drugs?: nope. What are you most scared of?: death, and lying. What are you listening to right now?: coheed and cambria. Where do you want to get married?: outdoors. in a red dress. How many buddies are online right now?: 28
Favorite: Color: black red purple Food: barbeque wings with blue cheese from sub runners. Boy name: archer nicolas Girl name: rowan vega Subjects in school: drawing. Abbreviation: whatev. Animals: giraffes. =) Sports: ice hockey/basketball Perfume: very sexy 2 from VS
Have you ever:
Smoked?: nope. Bungee jumped?: no and i never will. Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: i had a summer FULL of that. Cried when someone died?: no i am an emotionless void. Rejected someone: =/ Done something you regret?: i think so. it hasnt been long enough since it happened to know.
Last person: You touched: Paul. Hugged: Terrence. You IMed: Tristan IMed you: Julie Called you: Mommy You called: Mommy Bought you flowers: you know what, it was so long ago i dont even remember. how sad.
Who do you want to: Kill: jcm. figure out those initials. Slap: can't tell you. i'd have to kill you.
Which is better? Coke or Pepsi: Coke. but i hate soda anyways. Flowers or candy: Candy, i fucking love candy. Tall or short: tall boys, short me =)
Random
In the morning I am: in slow motion. All I need is: tristan, melissa, travis, becki, jen and mommy. Love is: something i feel every single morning. I dream about: marriage and violence. not in the same dream. okay maybe i'm lying... What do you notice first: hair and smile. Last person you danced with: melissa. Makes you smile: chocolate. finishing a drawing. kissing.
Do you ever:
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: no i like my boobies.
Number
Of times I have had my heart broken: Once. Of hearts I have broken: way too many, seriously. it's like 6. Of continents I have lived in: one Of scars on body: about 10 or so. |
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| =) |
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| 03:11pm 24/09/2005 |
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mood:  happy
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Erynodae: brb gotta start some laundry her only weapon: aw hahaha her only weapon: you're so cute. Erynodae: lol Erynodae: shut up
aww my little tristan is all grown up. |
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| MAH! |
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| 12:56pm 22/09/2005 |
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mood:  angry
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i bought you those dvds, dammit.
shit fuck hell damn whore bitch ass.
that's how i feel about that. |
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| stole this from mandolin. |
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| 09:31am 21/09/2005 |
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mood:  bitchy
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Tell us 20 things about you and then tag 6 others to do it.
1. I am Pagan. i dont talk about it a lot but i believe in it strongly and wish more people understood it.
2. I have totally and utterly fucked someone over this year and it is the one thing i am the least proud of. i regret every single second of what happened and i am more sorry about it than i will be about anything.
3. Part of me hates myself for moving to Salisbury instead of Towson. I miss Bryan, I miss Danielle, and most of all i just wish i was somewhere i could feel a part of something.
4. I physically cannot exist without the music i hear every single day. It is my therapy, no matter how cliche and overdone that sounds to all of you.
5. I'm currently writing a book. you're most likely in it.
6. I am an artist in every sense of the word. my brain works in the strangest way. everything i see is just color, design, curves and depth. i couldn't think logically if i tried.
7. I am a jealous person.
8. My best friend is Tristan Marley. He is one person that I would die for immediately without a second thought.
9. Everytime I go see The Used and they play "On My Own" I cry hysterically in front of hundreds of people.
10. I love hanson. Yeah I said it. fuck you.
11. I'm dating a boy named Paul Snelson. he makes me dinner almost every night. he has a really pretty smile. the end.
12. I really wish Danielle and I were closer. I miss having someone like me around. i miss laughing so hard i cry. it's been a really insanely long time since that's happened.
13. I wish I was a vampire. all the time.
14. I'm moving to Philadelphia in a year and a half. It will be amazing.
15. I miss my dad every single day.
16. I'm half canadian. so ha. and no, i dont say "a-boat."
17. I have my lip pierced, an orbital in my left ear, and both of my ears are guaged to 00. it's hot.
18. I will never regret loving anyone in my life. love is the most important thing in the world to me. Yes I've lost it and I've ruined it and torn it apart but it is still my saving grace.
19. I've been singing since I was 5. I just don't let a whole lot of people hear it.
20. My sister and I look exactly alike, but we're not twins. |
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| what did it ever do for me? that's what i say. |
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| 09:20am 21/09/2005 |
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mood:  aggravated
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i woke up at 7 am. yeah. fuck that shit. i hate 8 am classes. and all we talked about was genital mutilation. what a great way to start my morning.
so in ceramics i'm making a lantern. it's going to be really exciting. you should probably try to buy it now. cause one day my artwork will be worth millions. i promise.
i am so tired lately. i'm emotionally and physically drained. all of this school/financial/boy stuff is really taking a toll on my brain. i'm tired like 24/7 and i wanna go to bed at 11 every night. i'm starting to feel like an old lady.
and i miss tristan.
omg i talked to ben yesterday. in case anyone cares or remembers, Ben Fields happens to have been my first love. i haven't talked to him in about a year because he hates the internet and i dont have a phone but it was so insane catching up with him. hopefully soon i'm gonna go up and visit him in good old PA. it's gonna be sweet.
sooo 36 days til my birthday people. October 27 is fast approaching so i better see some presents. or i'll eat you all for dinner. okay just your blood. but still it won't feel good. |
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| two hands between legs..or whatever it takes |
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| 04:32pm 19/09/2005 |
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mood:  amused
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this is why paul is better than you.
RockShowHero4u: hey i am going to go see a doctor for my foot so ill get up w/ you i am done. I am gonna get a note 4 class for today and tomorrow ,yeah i got you some wings from work so ttyl
yeah, he got me wings from subrunners. bitches! What an adorable boy i have on my hands. |
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| so.... |
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| 02:18am 14/09/2005 |
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mood:  amused
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i forgot to tell everyone i got a hair cut! woo! i chopped it all off in a moment of impatience. and it came out awesome. so. here you are.
anyways, paul is on his way over so i'ma ditch y'all. we'll talk later. |
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| #$%@#%*&^$#%@ |
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| 02:51pm 13/09/2005 |
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mood:  aggravated
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great. just great.
i turned in my billing form to the school. the bitches lose that shit. and de-register me. and i have no money to pay up front.
now that's fine because i have financial aid coming. yeah well since my financial aid is special needs, mine takes like quadruple the amount everyone else's does to process. so they have no proof of my financial aid actually coming, just that i accepted it, until all of the stupid irs shit comes through.
so the lady is nice enough to say "if you give me at least $500, i can set it up so that you have two weeks to finish all your financial aid and stay in your classes."
so basically, i need 500 dollars by like this week in order to stay in school this semester.
if anyone wants to lend me this money, that would be awesome.
woo. my life fucking rocks. |
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| #$%@#%*&^$#%@ |
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| 02:51pm 13/09/2005 |
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great. just great.
i turned in my billing form to the school. the bitches lose that shit. and de-register me. and i have no money to pay up front.
now that's fine because i have financial aid coming. yeah well since my financial aid is special needs, mine takes like quadruple the amount everyone else's does to process. so they have no proof of my financial aid actually coming, just that i accepted it, until all of the stupid irs shit comes through.
so the lady is nice enough to say "if you give me at least $500, i can set it up so that you have two weeks to finish all your financial aid and stay in your classes."
so basically, i need 500 dollars by like this week in order to stay in school this semester.
woo. my life fucking rocks. |
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| tragedy everywhere. |
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| 06:21pm 31/08/2005 |
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mood:  sad
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i dont know exactly what to say here, i'm just really upset by something that isnt even happening to me.
i went on cnn.com and i'm reading this stuff about the hurricane in mississippi and louisiana. and it's making me cry. it's so frightening to think of what has happened.
one man told them he was inside of his house when the entire thing got ripped in half.. and all he saw was his wife fly out of his arms. how horrible. i didnt think it would be that bad. the weather people didnt seem to make it out like it was going to be as bad as hurricane Andrew was. in fact, it was worse.
they keep saying stuff about how there are bodies floating in the water all over the place where it has flooded. the thought of that makes me nauseous and scared. they're scared that the standing water, with all of the decay that's in it, is going to cause some massive breakout of deadly disease.
maybe i'm just so affected by this because i see the pictures of these people crying and screaming because they've lost someone because i know what that is like. to stand there and scream, but they arent coming back, no matter how sick you get, no matter how bad your throat hurts, no matter how much you cry and starve yourself.
but losing my dad, although horrible for me, will never be as horrible as it is for those people. they have lost their families AND everything that has ever belonged to them...
oh my god i just cant believe stuff like this happens.
i wish i could just help people. |
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| the sound still sleeps the same with you away. |
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| 01:24pm 31/08/2005 |
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mood:  contemplative
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my sister is coming here tomorrow with her friend jill. i have to work and go to class but between those times we shall hang. i hate admitting that i miss my sister because we are the two least affectionate siblings in the world, and i've grown used to not expressing my feelings towards her (which is bad, I know) but i do. and she misses me too. and we tell eachother all the time. i suppose we are grown ups now. maybe hugging her freaks me out because we're like twins and hugging someone who looks like your clone gets kinda freaky.
that was way too drawn out.
anyways. this weekend should be lots of fun. i hope people are having parties and the like.
i really hope that barry/cory/jesse/mike are having another get together because the more they have parties there the funner they are getting. i used to hate going to drunken parties but now i cant wait to get dressed, get out of the house and just socialize.
tomorrow night Cara is having a party at her house for Dirk. He's moving to Arizona. Oh how Starbucks shall miss him. it's going to be another one of those crazy Starbucks parties where we all just dance and talk about dramatic situations. haha. it's not gonna be the same kinda party without Joe there, though. i havent been out with them since he left and i kind of expect him to be there.
I might sign up for illustration if Mr. Paul Flexner lets me into it. it ends at 3, and my art history class starts at 3, but they are right down the hall in fulton from one another and Tara says i could make it. i really need/want that class. i might just go for it.
but. okay. my entries just keep getting more and more boring. i promise next one will be more fun. |
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| don't sleep, don't sleep so sound tonight. |
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| 03:27pm 27/08/2005 |
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mood:  devious
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i've had this devious feeling all day. hence the mood. don't know why. just feel like dressing cute and being bitchy. hahaha. kind of strange, i know. it's just a weird day. must be the moon.
so. i'm going over barry's tonight for a back to school par-tay. it should be interesting. lots and lots of drunken college kids acting insane. as always. it'll be a night to remember i'm sure.
i had something to say here and i forgot. hmm...
oh some jerk came through the drive through the other day and handed me this pamflet about god. i gave it back to him. it showed this cartoon with a guy who had piercings and tattoos, and the christian lady was hiding her kid's eyes saying "don't look! how disgusting!" and it had a line underneath it that said "sin is everywhere!" and i was like.. "are you fucking kidding me? are you really going to be that closed minded?" ugh it just ruined my fucking day. i dont care if you're christian, but you can easily be christian and be an open and tolerant person. don't give me your bullshit about how i'm a bad person because i have a piercing and i'm pagan. cause i'll slit you a new mouth.
anyways. i need a new haircut i think. maybe. i've been thinking about it. also i want my septum pierced still. so bad. give me your thoughts on this. haha. it's either septum or nose ring. not a stud, a little ring. i need opinions here, people.
so. moving on. i'm gonna go over julie's soon and make cupcakes because sean is driving all the way from texas to see her so. until tonight...
au revoir. |
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